Let me preface this post with this: This is not a "poor me" post or a "please pitty me" post...those are not my intentions. I just want to share a little bit along the way of what this experience is like. With that said....
I had a reality check today. It has been somewhat of an ongoing realization..but it really hit me today. When I arrived here I experienced "culture shock" as well as "culture stress." A day sticks out in my mind. I went to a nearby city, Lausanne, on my day off by myself. This is a very normal things for me. What was going to be a relaxing day off really frustrated me. As I was shopping I was a sore thumb (FYI: Shoppers in Europe NEVER go in their jogging clothes), I couldn't ask questions of the workers in the stores, I had no idea where I was going in the city, everything was more expensive from what I was used to etc. As I rode the train home I remember thinking about how amamzing it would be to be back in the US where I had a sence of normality.
Since then a lot has changed...a lot hasn't! But the reality check is that when I go back (either for the summer or for years) I am going to have to go through the same transition I went through coming here. I hear it is even harder to go back home than moving into a new culture. I also have to be ok with the fact that as my life changes here so does the culture and lives I was involved in back home. I had a dream last night that I visited home for Christmas. I was so excited to tell everyone about my time spent in Switzerland. But in the dream I was so sad because no one cared. (I have heard from many people that it is hard because when you go home no one wants to hear your stories) Also, as trivial as it may sound I am slow at finding out information compared to my friends. The reality is that I live on the other side of the ocean....I live in a new culture...my life is changing as well as everyone elses. This is something that is obvious, but hit me hard today.
I think a lot of times that by coming to Switzerland I just made my life ten times more complicated. If I return to live in the states come July there will be a part of my life that no one at home will fully understand. A part of my life that I ENJOY will not be able to be lived out. I will encounter new frustrations and cynicisms. If I decide to live here come August there is a part of my life that no one here understands. Parts of my life I enjoyed just aren't able to be lived out here. New cynicisms and frustrations come daily. So either way sometimes I feel like it is a lose lose situation. Don't get me wrong, the good outweighs the hard...BY FAR.
Anyway...all that to say is that today I had a reality check...it is a hard one to face. I am glad that this life isn't forever....it would wear me out!
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2 comments:
thanks for your honesty marbes. i am sure it's quite difficult. one beautiful and at the exact same time frustrating things about this life and it's hardships is that they are all lovingly sifted through a gracious hand of our Lord. He knows, He sees and He understands, in fact He has touched everything that you are now experiencing...there is grace in each moment.
i have thought about this a lot too Marbes. and the only upside i can find is that in my case, i will have several others who will have experienced this whole thing with me. in your case though, it's just you. and i can't even imagine how EITHER transition will be.
know though .... that even though we might not understand your experiences, we really do still care!!! and please do NOT think otherwise. and you had better promise the SAME for me too! ha.
i really do love you. i hope this next week is better for you. you're in my prayers.
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