Detox

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

Psalm 16:2

Have any of you ever gone on a detox diet? If any of you reading this blog are my former roommates you know what I speak of! Drink water the first day...add raw veggies the second...cooked veggies the third...fruit the next and so on. The purpose of the diet is to get rid of all the toxins your body has. We generally never made it past the first day...go figure!

For some reason I have been comparing the detox diet with my time here in Switzerland...hear me out (I can see some of you tilting your heads, smiling and in the nicest/"what in the world is she talking about" voice saying "O Marbes.")

Thia last week I have realized how this experience is MAKING me depend on God. For those of you that know me well know I like to plan and organize...way ahead of time, I like change, although I am very predictable and "safe." I am a self sufficient person. I like my independence and self confidence. A lot of time I pride myself on them. I am a dreamer and idealist. I set my expectations high. I am not saying all of these things are good...just stating how I see myself. I have always struggled with the idea of "letting God have control." I never have got it...probably never will completely.

Well, since being here I see how God is detoxing me of my SELF. He is grooming me to be in likeness of him. He has stripped away everything familiar...and I mean everything. He has placed me in a place where I am different. I find things hard that have always been easy. Insecurities come up when they never have. I second guess myself. Loneliness sets in at the strangest times. Some expectations have been dissapointing. People don't even call me Marbes here (most of you will understand the name identity I went through..ha)! Literally, the only thing that has been the same since my life started here is Christ. It is something you hear all the time, but until you experience it as a real part of your life it stays just an idea or a statement.

But the wonderful thing is that He HAS BEEN and WILL BE constant and by God's grace (literally) I have realized that and allowed that to be a part of my daily life. I almost feel as if He has been more constant than He was before. But I know that contradicts his character. My life has slowed down TRAMENDOUSLY since being here...there is something to say about being still and slowing down. By the detox of my SELF that I am going through I realize that I can't do anything (a simple truth that is hard to understand until you have to actually live it) apart from him. I am simply an instrument to be used/clay to be molded.

Some verses come to my mind (the ashley marble version): "Deny your self and take up my cross" "I am the vine and you are the branches" "I must decrease as He increases." All of these are great parts of scripture that have spoken to me time and time again...but this time it is different!

There will be more highs...there will be more lows. I am thankful for this experience. I know that all the transition I am going through is allowing for transformation. At times I have wondered what the heck...why am I putting myself through this...but I am thankful for this time of transition. I really see how God is working in it and becoming very personal. I see different ways of how God is active in my life. I see He is getting rid of me so that He can become more. I am thankful for His gentleness and His timing. Again, although there have been sad and lonely times I really wouldn’t change the condition of my heart for anything. I wouldn’t change it to go to a wedding, I wouldn’t change it to see a friend, I wouldn’t change it to have normality.

The great thing is that I have eight more months of this. The hard thing is that it is a choice.

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."
Psalm 16:2